
Today, Life Is Different
My veins are blue from toes to fingers
A short meditation on aging in which the speaker opens with a Great Scott / Howdy Doody interjection that places his childhood in the 1950s, asks how he got to this day, names testosterone as a memory and the old high tides of hormonal ecstasy as past, and closes with the discovery that he is still just an ignorant child watching a tumbleweed roll by.
The poem opens with two registers smashed together. “Great Scott, / It must be / Howdy Doody time.” The Doc Brown exclamation collides with the 1950s puppet show, and the collision is the speaker’s diagnostic tool: he reaches for the cultural references of his actual childhood, not a generic childhood. Howdy Doody dates the speaker. Anyone born in the mid-1950s grew up with the show on television; anyone younger would not summon it as an idiomatic interjection. The opening is the speaker’s quiet way of placing himself in time without writing his birth year on the page.
“I was a child. / Once upon a time” is the bridge between the comic opening and the rueful body of the poem. The fairy-tale phrase “once upon a time” is conventionally the setup for a story; here it is the speaker’s description of his own childhood, which has receded so far that it now reads as fairy tale. The childhood is no longer biographical fact; it is narrative the speaker tells himself about a person he used to be.
“How did I get here? / To this day” is the catalog’s most direct version of the question that opened “71/17” with its parenthetical “sheesh, how did I get here, still in one piece.” The earlier poem answered with the body’s evidence (wrinkled hands, shaky limbs) and the imagination’s rebuttal (still alive, still relevant). This poem doesn’t answer; it lets the question sit. The arrival at “this day” remains unexplained, which is the truthful position. No one knows how they got to today; they only know they’re here.
The hormonal stanza is the poem’s bravest passage and one of the catalog’s most direct accounts of what aging takes. “Testosterone / just a memory / past exhilarations / the high tide / hormones / gifting heaven / momentary / ecstasy.” The line breaks separate each unit of the loss. Testosterone, named directly. The exhilarations of younger life, named directly. The high tide of the hormones, which was real and is now low water. The heaven they gifted, momentary even at the time. The catalog rarely speaks about the body’s chemistry this plainly. Most aging poems sublimate the loss into philosophical observation; this one names the molecule.
“Gifting heaven / momentary / ecstasy” is the line cluster’s most precise observation. The heaven was not eternal; it was momentary even when it was happening. The speaker is not mourning a lost paradise; he is naming that the paradise was always brief. The ecstasy was real; the ecstasy was short. Both are true, and the second truth softens the loss without erasing it.
The closing stanza performs the poem’s structural recognition. “I’m simply / still, / just / an ignorant / child / watching a tumble / weed / roll by.” The line breaks are doing significant work. “Simply / still” reads two ways: simply still alive, simply standing still, simply continuing. The double sense holds both the gratitude and the stasis. “Just / an ignorant / child” returns to the opening’s childhood frame and admits that the seventy-plus years between the Howdy Doody opening and the current moment have not actually moved the speaker out of the child’s position. The watching is still happening. The understanding has not arrived.
“Watching a tumble / weed / roll by” extends the line break across two words (“tumble / weed”), enacting the rolling motion the noun describes. The tumbleweed appeared in “Luminous / Jeweled Hush” four poems back, where it was the speaker’s image for his wandering soul before the Muse welcomed him to sanctuary. Here the tumbleweed is external — something the speaker watches rather than something he is. The shift is significant. In “Luminous,” he was the tumbleweed; here he sits and watches one roll past, which means something has happened in the intervening poems. The drift is no longer his condition; the drift is now a thing he can observe from outside.
A short poem whose method is the controlled collision of registers. The opening interjection is comic, the body is candid about aging in ways the catalog rarely permits, and the closing returns to the catalog’s recent tumbleweed imagery with a quiet shift in the speaker’s relationship to it. The piece earns its brevity by trusting the reader to feel the gap between the Howdy Doody opening and the testosterone-as-memory stanza without spelling out the distance the poem has traveled.
The Howdy Doody reference is the catalog’s most precise dating of the speaker’s childhood. The show ran from 1947 to 1960; “Howdy Doody time” was its opening question. Anyone using the phrase as an idiomatic interjection is using a piece of language they absorbed before they were ten. The speaker is not announcing his age; he is using the vocabulary that places his age automatically. The reader who recognizes the reference knows the speaker is somewhere between sixty-five and eighty without anyone having to specify. The reader who doesn’t recognize it reads the line as quaint, which is also accurate.
The “How did I get here? / To this day” question is the poem’s structural center. Two short questions, six syllables, and the question contains the entire weight of arriving at an old age without quite understanding the journey. The catalog has asked this question before, in “71/17” with its parenthetical astonishment at being still in one piece. This poem asks it more starkly, without the rebuttal. The body of the poem will not argue against the question; the answer is unavailable, and the poem accepts the unavailability.
The hormonal stanza is the poem’s bravest passage. Most aging poems in the catalog work in metaphor — the rock, the prison, the wrinkled hands. This one names testosterone directly. The molecule that drove the high tides of younger life is now a memory. The catalog has been edging toward this kind of biochemical honesty for a while (in “By Your Heart” the speaker reclaims science as his “personal discipline”), and this poem delivers the chemistry plainly. The exhilarations are gone because the chemistry that produced them has receded. There is no philosophical reframing of the loss; the loss is named.
“Gifting heaven / momentary / ecstasy” is the line cluster’s most precise observation and one of the catalog’s most useful single phrases about pleasure. The heaven was real; the heaven was momentary; the gift was given and withdrawn in the same gesture. The speaker is not romanticizing the past at the expense of the present. The past was its own form of brief paradise, and the present is its own form of standing still.
The closing tumbleweed shift is the poem’s quietest structural achievement. In “Luminous / Jeweled Hush,” the speaker was the tumbleweed, weary of the hollow whirl, drifting home. Here he watches a tumbleweed roll past. The pronoun has changed; the position has changed; the catalog’s progress is recorded in the change. He is no longer the wandering object; he is the observer of the wandering. Something has been gained, even if the gain is only the capacity to sit still while the wandering continues elsewhere.
Where the poem could deepen is in the gap between the hormonal stanza and the closing. The poem leaps from “momentary ecstasy” directly to “I’m simply / still” without a transitional thought, and the leap is fast enough that the reader may feel the seam. A single line between the two stanzas (a turn, an admission, an image) might have made the transition feel earned rather than abrupt. But the abruptness may be the method. The poem is short for a reason: the speaker is not interested in connecting his observations smoothly; he is interested in stating them and letting them sit.
A poem that proves the gap between childhood and age is shorter than the years suggest, and the same kid is still in the room.
Great Scott,
It must be
Howdy Doody time
I was a child.
Once upon a time.
How did I get here?
To this day.
When you get old,
testosterone
just a memory
past exhilarations
the high tide
hormones
gifting heaven
momentary
ecstasy.
I’m simply
still,
just
an ignorant
child
watching a tumble
weed
roll by.







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