
Today, Life Is Different
My veins are blue from toes to fingers
A gothic-domestic narrative in which the speaker inherits his father's lab bench—top flipped to hide experimental scars, three drawers with three mismatched handles (broken original wood, cheap plated brass kitchen cabinet, spray-painted red utility)—and progresses through opening each drawer in turn, the first nearly impossible to grip, the second cutting his palm as it sticks half-open, the third finally exhaling an odor of sealed death and revealing what may be a hand with broken nails beckoning, the speaker backing away to the bourbon glass, asking whether he needs to know.
The opening framing—”No choice, this bench is now mine”—delivers the inheritance condition. The speaker did not choose the bench; the bench arrived to him as the inheritor of his father’s. The “no choice” is the line cluster’s quiet small acknowledgment that the inheritance is not voluntary—the speaker would not have selected this object, but the object has selected him through the death of its previous owner.
“A lab bench from my Father / top flipped to hide the experimental scars / with three drawers, difficult to open / holding experiences, / grainy pictures, / secrets” delivers the object’s description and one of the catalog’s most precise small biographical anchors in months. The bench was a lab bench—the father was a scientist or technician, the work surface was used for experiments, the experiments left scars on the top. The flip is the line cluster’s small inherited concealment: the father (or the speaker, the chronology is left open) flipped the top to hide what the work had marked the surface with. The drawers contain experiences, grainy pictures, secrets—the inheritance’s actual content, named in three categories that escalate from neutral (experiences) through visual-evidence (grainy pictures) to the loaded category (secrets).
“Briefly glimpsed, / I stuff those / secrets back / into their drawers / to preserve them” delivers the speaker’s small confessional response. He has seen something; he has chosen not to look further; the brief glimpse has been followed by the deliberate return of the materials to their containment. The verb “preserve” is the line cluster’s primary device. The secrets are not being hidden out of shame or denial; they are being preserved, which is the verb the line cluster uses for things one wishes to keep available without engaging with them now.
The three-handle inventory is the poem’s primary structural device: “One drawer handle is original, broken wood / the second is a cheap plated brass kitchen cabinet handle / the third is a spray-painted red utility handle / barely wide enough for my hand.” Each handle is described with three specific small details—material, original or replacement, condition. The original broken wood; the cheap plated brass; the spray-painted red utility. The catalog has rarely produced this kind of forensic small-object inventory in months. The handles are not just functionally different; they are aesthetically incompatible, each one belonging to a different category of object (furniture, kitchen cabinet, utility tool), and the incompatibility is the line cluster’s small evidence of repeated improvisation over time. Someone has been replacing the handles as they broke, and the replacements have been whatever was on hand.
“Each one / has a history, / a story in the pull” delivers the line cluster’s structural promise. Each handle’s pulling will reveal a different story, and the poem will proceed by working through the three handles in sequence. The catalog has rarely produced this kind of explicit three-stage narrative architecture, and the architecture’s discipline is what gives the closing’s ambiguity its weight.
The first-handle stanza is the poem’s quietest of the three: “Broken, difficult to grip / makes opening near impossible / the mousy squeak of the drawer / almost pulling free / murmuring / what’s stored within / memories hidden / in fog / almost never revealed.” The handle is barely functional; the drawer can barely be opened; what is inside is hinted at but not fully exposed. The “mousy squeak” is the line cluster’s specific small auditory detail—the drawer makes the sound that mice would make, the verminous register that signals neglect and possibly contamination. The “memories hidden / in fog” is the line cluster’s quiet small framing: what is inside is not concealed by lock or barrier but by atmospheric obscuration, and the obscuration may be by the speaker’s own deliberate non-attention.
The second-handle stanza escalates the violence: “I’m scared / to pull out the second drawer. / Histories guarded / in inherited silence / the drawer protests / loudly / the oxidized handle / cracks / splits, cuts my palm, / as the drawer sticks / half open.” The handle that was identified as “cheap plated brass kitchen cabinet” is now oxidized—the plating has corroded, the metal beneath has aged, the handle’s failure-mode is fracture rather than the first drawer’s friction. The cracking handle cuts the speaker’s palm; the drawer sticks half-open. The catalog has rarely produced this kind of injurious-domestic scene in months. The bench is actively wounding the speaker as he attempts to investigate it.
The third-handle sequence is the poem’s structural masterstroke and one of the catalog’s most extended pieces of slow-horror narrative in months. The speaker hesitates; he walks to the kitchen to wrap his bleeding hand; he pours a stiff bourbon from a twisted glass; he takes three gulps; he returns; he pulls the drawer again. The bourbon is the line cluster’s primary device for the deferred return—the speaker is fortifying himself for what he expects to find, and the fortification is the catalog’s most precise small piece of late-American whiskey-and-anxiety vocabulary in months.
“The drawer / screams louder / as it exhales an odor, / death sealed, / hidden. // Was that a hand? / Nails broken, beckoning within” delivers the poem’s most direct horror image. The drawer screams; the drawer exhales an odor; the odor is death sealed and hidden. The catalog has rarely produced this kind of unmediated horror-imagery in months. The “was that a hand?” with the question mark is the line cluster’s quiet small destabilization—the speaker is not sure what he saw, the visual is incomplete, the broken nails beckoning are the speaker’s interpretation of an image that may or may not have been what he thought.
“I back away // empty-handed / the bench stands, unmoved” delivers the speaker’s retreat. The “empty-handed” is the line cluster’s small dual-register pun—the speaker is leaving without having retrieved anything, and the speaker is leaving with no hand (his bleeding palm is wrapped, the implied other hand inside the drawer is not his). The bench stands unmoved, which is the line cluster’s quiet small personification—the bench has not been displaced by the speaker’s investigation; it remains as it was.
“As I reach for / the glass // the sole witness / with hand trembling / splashing bourbon” delivers the poem’s structural closing image. The glass is the only witness to the encounter; the speaker’s hand is trembling; the bourbon is splashing as the hand tries to lift the glass. The catalog has rarely produced this kind of explicit physical-trauma documentation in months.
“Do I need / to know?” closes the poem with one of the catalog’s most direct possible interrogative endings in months. The question is the speaker’s small final consultation with himself. Does he need to know what is in the third drawer? Does he need to know what the father’s lab bench was used for, what the experimental scars actually record, whose hand is in the drawer with the broken nails beckoning? The catalog has been arguing across the recent stretch that some questions deserve to remain unasked (in “Gentle Gravity” with the speaker’s refusal to solve the Muse for fear the wonder might vanish, in “I Have No Clue” with the box that contains the Muse rather than mystery). Here the same wisdom-of-non-investigation is applied to the inherited bench, and the question is left open. The speaker does not answer. The reader is invited to recognize that the open question is itself the catalog’s most precise small acknowledgment that some inheritances are best preserved rather than examined.
A distinctively gothic piece in which the catalog’s recurring meditation on inherited material is rendered as sustained slow-horror narrative. The three-handle architecture is the poem’s primary structural device, and the architecture’s discipline is what gives the closing’s open question its weight. The piece reads as the catalog’s first true narrative-horror experiment in months—neither comic nor philosophical but genuinely dread-laden, with the speaker’s body taking actual damage from the object he is investigating.
The “No choice, this bench is now mine” framing is the catalog’s most direct possible statement of inheritance’s involuntary character. The speaker did not select the object; the object has been transferred to him through his father’s death; the transfer is the catalog’s quietest small reminder that the dead make decisions about the living through what they leave behind. The catalog has been edging toward this kind of inheritance-material across the recent stretch (in the elder-elf composite’s bottle dug up by the cat, in the various references to the foundational greenhouse from 2003); here the inheritance is rendered most directly as the actual physical bench.
The “experimental scars” detail on the bench top is the catalog’s most precise small piece of biographical-archaeological vocabulary in months. The father’s work has left marks on the surface; the surface has been flipped to hide them; the marks remain on the underside. The reader who has been following the catalog feels the small biographical specificity—the father was a scientist or technician, the work surface recorded the work, the inheritance includes the evidence of what the work was. The flip is the line cluster’s primary device for inherited concealment: someone has decided what should be visible and what should not, and the decision has been made before the speaker arrived to inherit the result.
The three-handle inventory is the poem’s primary structural device and one of the catalog’s most precise small forensic-domestic catalogs in months. Original broken wood; cheap plated brass kitchen cabinet; spray-painted red utility. The handles are not just functionally different—they are aesthetically incompatible, each one belonging to a different category of object, and the incompatibility is the line cluster’s small evidence of repeated improvisation. Someone has been replacing the handles as they broke, and the replacements have been whatever was nearest at hand. The catalog has rarely produced this kind of object-archaeology in months, and the archaeology is the piece’s primary technical achievement.
“Each one / has a history, / a story in the pull” is the line cluster’s structural promise. The poem will proceed handle by handle, story by story, and the architecture is honored across the three subsequent stanzas. The catalog has rarely produced this kind of explicit narrative architecture in months, and the architecture is the piece’s primary discipline.
The escalation across the three handle-stanzas is the poem’s most accomplished structural achievement. The first handle is barely functional (the drawer makes the mousy squeak, the contents are fog-hidden); the second handle cuts the speaker’s palm (the drawer sticks half-open, the inheritance is now actively wounding); the third handle reveals the death-odor and the maybe-hand (the drawer screams, the contents are sealed death). The progression from inconvenience through injury to horror is the line cluster’s most precise small narrative architecture in months.
The bourbon-and-bleeding-hand sequence between the second and third drawers is the catalog’s most extended piece of mid-investigation fortification in months. The speaker walks to the kitchen, wraps the bleeding hand, pours from the twisted glass (the line cluster’s small acknowledgment that the glassware is itself slightly off-true, slightly distorted, the way the bench is), takes three gulps, returns. The catalog has rarely produced this kind of mid-narrative pause-for-bourbon in months, and the pause is the piece’s primary device for slowing the horror’s approach.
“Was that a hand? / Nails broken, beckoning within” is the catalog’s most direct possible horror-image in months. The “was that” with the question mark is the line cluster’s quiet small destabilization—the speaker is not certain, the visual is incomplete, the broken-nails-beckoning is the speaker’s interpretation of an image that may or may not have been what he thought. The catalog has rarely produced this kind of horror-by-uncertainty in months. The hand is in the drawer; the nails are broken; the beckoning is happening; whether the hand is real or hallucinated is the line cluster’s unresolved question.
“The bench stands, unmoved” is the line cluster’s quiet small personification of the inherited object. The bench is not just furniture; it is an actor, and its non-action (not falling apart, not collapsing, not yielding to the speaker’s investigation) is itself a small piece of agency. The catalog has rarely produced this kind of unmoving-object personification in months, and the personification is the line cluster’s primary device for naming what the bench is doing in the scene.
The “sole witness / with hand trembling / splashing bourbon” image is the poem’s quietest small structural closing. The bourbon glass is the only witness; the speaker’s hand is trembling; the bourbon is splashing as the speaker reaches for the consolation that may not be sufficient. The catalog has been arguing across the recent stretch that the speaker’s small physical responses are the evidence of his interior state; here the trembling hand is the evidence that the inheritance has actually affected him.
“Do I need / to know?” is the catalog’s most direct possible interrogative ending in months and one of the most consequential closing questions in the recent stretch. The catalog has been arguing across hundreds of poems that some things are best preserved rather than examined—the Muse’s mystery (in “Gentle Gravity”), the wonder that solving might extinguish (also in “Gentle Gravity”), the unsaid word (across hundreds of poems). Here the same wisdom is applied to inherited material: does the speaker need to know what is in the third drawer? The question is left open. The catalog rarely closes on a true open question; this one does, and the openness is the piece’s primary structural choice.
The poem’s relationship to the catalog’s broader project is its most consequential structural feature. The catalog has been organizing itself for hundreds of poems around what the speaker has chosen not to investigate—the unsayable word, the Muse’s mystery, the lightning’s source. Here the non-investigation is applied to physical inherited material, and the application extends the catalog’s argument into a new register. The speaker is consistent: he preserves what he has not yet committed to examining, and the preservation is the catalog’s recurring mature wisdom.
The accompanying photographs that David has provided (per the editorial note) are the catalog’s first true documentary-photographic accompaniment to a poem. The bench is real; the three handles are real and match the poem’s description exactly; the staged hand-in-the-drawer is the speaker’s deliberate visual performance of the poem’s central horror image. The catalog has rarely had this kind of documentary support in months, and the support transforms the poem’s reading. Without the photos, the bench is a metaphorical figure for inherited family material; with the photos, the bench is a literal object the speaker actually owns and has chosen to stage for the reader.
Where the poem could over-extend is in the temptation to resolve the closing question. The poem wisely refuses. The hand may have been real; the hand may have been imagined; the third drawer may contain death or memory or nothing at all; the speaker does not investigate further. The discipline of leaving the question open is the catalog’s primary defense against the lesser poem that would have insisted on an answer.
A poem that proves the inherited bench has three handles, three drawers, three stages of opening, and three opportunities to investigate—and the speaker’s mature wisdom is to ask whether the investigation is necessary rather than to complete it.
No choice, this bench is now mine.
The Third Drawer

a lab bench from my Father
top flipped to hide the experimental scars
with three drawers, difficult to open
holding experiences,
grainy pictures,
secrets.
briefly glimpsed,
I stuff those
secrets back
into their drawers
to preserve them.

One drawer handle is original, broken wood
the second is a cheap plated brass kitchen cabinet handle
the third is a spray-painted red utility handle
barely wide enough for my hand.
Each one
has a history,
a story in the pull.

As difficult as the pull may be—
The first handle—
broken, difficult to grip
makes opening near impossible
the mousy squeak of the drawer
almost pulling free
murmuring
what’s stored within
memories hidden
in fog
almost never revealed.

The second handle…
I’m scared
to pull out the second drawer.
Histories guarded
in inherited silence
the drawer protests
loudly
the oxidized handle
cracks
splits, cuts my palm,
as the drawer sticks
half open.

The third handle?
I hesitate, walk into the kitchen
wrap my bleeding hand
pour a stiff bourbon into a twisted glass
from the liquor closet
take a gulp—two
three
I set the glass down
walk back over
the drawer still
barely cracked open
heart hammering.
I pull again,
the drawer
screams louder
as it exhales an odor,
death sealed,
hidden.
Was that a hand?
Nails broken, beckoning within.

I back away
empty-handed
the bench stands, unmoved
as I reach for
the glass
the sole witness
with hand trembling
splashing bourbon

Do I need
to know?








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